A father and his child are enjoying a delightful day at the park, walking hand in hand along the winding
paths lined with tall trees and vibrant green grass. They’re having a blast playing ball in the open field,
their laughter filling the air. From a distance, you can see the sunlight streaming through the trees, bathing
them in a golden glow. It’s a scene bursting with happiness and wonder, almost like something out of a
beautiful impressionist painting.
The child dashed toward the tree to retrieve the ball that had disappeared beneath its branches.
Meanwhile, the dad took a moment to look around, slowly exhaling into the breeze of the park. Then he
turned his attention back to the kid peeking out from under the tree. Suddenly, he exclaimed,
“Hey!” “Get down!!!!”
His eyes widened in shock at the sharp command from his father.
“Get down right now!!!”
Confused but, the child quickly dropped to the ground, just as his father commanded. The father, keeping
a fixed gaze from afar, then slowly bent down. In a soothing tone, he began to speak softly, reassuring the
child.
“Now… crawl… slowly… to Dad… don’t look, just focus on Dad, slowly… that’s it.”
The child crawled slowly toward the father, who knelt down and moved gently in the child’s direction. As
the child emerged from under the tree, the father’s face lit up with relief. He swiftly scooped the little one
up in his arms and carefully pulled him away from the tree. With a deep sigh of relief, Dad tenderly patted
the child’s back.
“I really scared you, didn’t I? Okay, good job, but now look over there.”
He pointed toward the tree where the child had been playing, and as the child, still cradled in his father’s
arms, turned his head, his eyes widened in terror. There, hanging ominously from the very branch he had
been under, was a venomous snake, its body draped halfway across the spot where the child had been
playing. The horrifying realization dawned on the child: that’s why his father had yelled so urgently for him
to get down.
The end. And just like that, the story has a happy ending.
Let’s take a moment to calm our racing hearts and ask ourselves a realistic question: is a happy ending
like this possible in reality? Did you notice anything unusual and unrealistic in the middle of the story? The
venomous snake? No, that part is quite plausible. The unrealistic element, in my opinion, lies elsewhere.
To me, it was the child’s reaction to his father’s instruction that seemed a bit too far-fetched.
Consider our reality for a moment. If a father shouted at his child, “Get down!” how would most children in
this generation likely react? Probably with a defiant:
“Why?” or “Why should I?”
Their brows furrowed and their voices filled with frustration. This reaction is all too plausible and realistic,
yet deeply concerning. The thought of what might follow is unsettling, and a happy ending seems
improbable.
Children are incredibly honest and tend to act the same way whether they’re at home or out and about,
repeating their home habits wherever they are. While the story above might seem overly dramatic, the
core lesson is clear: if we diligently train our children at home, we can guide them in the right direction
when it really counts.
The story above illustrates two contrasting examples of upbringing. The former child is well-trained, not
through rigid drills, but through learning to trust and obey his father’s instructions unconditionally. On the
other hand, the latter child hasn’t received any form of guidance and thus always seeks a reason or
excuses to disobey.
Why is this important? In our modern era, teaching children unconditional obedience may seem outdated.
While there are indeed moments when parents should explain in detail and persuade them so that they
will obey voluntarily, there are also critical times when children need to obey unconditionally without any
reason or excuse. That’s exactly the kind of training we need to give them. If children only follow
instructions when they understand and agree with them, it fosters a mindset of living by their own
will(stubbornness) rather than discernment of God’s will for their lives. It’s frightening to think that without
learning unconditional obedience, individuals might reject God’s will at critical moments, making choices
based on their own sinful desires. And in doing so, they’ll miss out on many blessings of God, and that
really hurts our hearts as their parents, whether they deserve it or not.
When a child is still young under our care, parents take on the role of representing (projecting the image
of) God to some extent. Children, whether consciously or not, learn to interact with God through their
interactions with their parents. In this context, it’s improbable that a child who disobeys their parents will
readily obey God. A child who grows up habitually disobeying parental instructions that don’t make sense
to them may develop the dangerous habit that it’s acceptable to ignore God’s will when it doesn’t make
sense to them. The results of such a life’s habit is severe. God’s love is persistent, and He works to
address and rectify such habits, even into adulthood (Hebrews 12:5-6).
Have you ever considered what the true opposite of obedience might be? While disobedience is the
obvious answer, there’s a more eloquent term that encapsulates it better. In the context of
homeschooling, which I plan to explore in a future series, we define the opposite of obedience as
“stubbornness.”
The Bible recounts how the Israelites exhibited stubbornness during their time in the wilderness (Hebrews
3:7-8, GNT). In contrast, Jesus achieved perfection by overcoming His own stubbornness and submitting
to His Father’s will (Hebrews 5:8-9, GNT).
A stubborn child cannot learn to obey God, and that stubbornness leads to poor choices in life. If parents
truly love their children, they should train them to break their own stubbornness so that they can fully
enjoy the blessings God has given them.
But here’s a practical question for parents. Stubbornness in children can be really frustrating. So, how
exactly can we train our children to not be stubborn and instead learn to be obedient?
Let’s explore some examples. We can start this training when children are quite young, much younger
than you might expect.
When babies are born, they start to roll over, crawl, and eventually touch everything around them. It’s a
natural progression, and the funny thing is that by the time they start walking, items in the house
mysteriously migrate upwards: onto shelves, into closets, just out of reach. While it’s essential to keep
dangerous objects out of reach, there are things, like a mop, that aren’t harmful but you prefer they not
play with. When your child starts crawling or walking, usually around the age of one, can you actually train
them not to touch the mop, even though they can’t fully understand you yet?
Here is how we did it in our own home.
When a baby touches something they shouldn’t, mom or dad immediately slaps the back of the child’s
hand with two fingers (index and middle fingers together) with a quick, light snap that doesn’t hurt but gets
their attention. At first, the child might be startled and look at you in confusion. Then, you raise one finger,
shake it gently, and say, “No!” Remember to keep a kind and reassuring smile on your face, one that is
both loving and firm.
There are two typical reactions: some children stop right away, some don’t understand what it means and
try to reach for the mop again. When they do, you repeat the process with a slightly firmer snap of your
fingers on the back of their hand, this time making sure it stings just a little. Then, follow the same steps:
snap with two fingers, say “no,” and give a firm but gentle smile. If you’re successful, after two or three
times, the child will lose interest in the mop and crawl off to find another adventure. It’s important to
remember that training involves consistent repetition until the lesson is learned. This method can be
effective even for newborns when they bite or pull while breastfeeding.
Some children are born incredibly strong-willed and won’t give up on things they cling to, especially dirty
items, making it harder for parents. We had one of those in our family. The discipline principle was simple
but repeated: a two-finger snap, a firm “no,” and a gentle but firm smile. The important thing here is for
parents not to give up. With enough repetition, even the most determined child will eventually understand,
“Oh, this isn’t going to work after all.”
When it comes to training children, the faith parents have in their children is essential. Believe in God who
gave your child’s potential to grow, and train them calmly and consistently. In time, they will reach that
next level. But if you give up and say, “My child is too young for this, it’s way too difficult,” you deny them
the opportunity to grow and mature because of your own doubts. (Matthew 8:13)
Some children encounter difficulty remaining seated for extended durations, whether during meals at
restaurants or worship services at church. Parents can easily assume ‘since they are not used to it they
are easily distracted.’ However, it doesn’t have to be that way; their difficulty does not reflect lack of
character, but rather insufficient discipline! (It’s important to note that attention deficiencies can stem from
various factors, and professional consultation is recommended if concerns arise.)
Parents can help their children with a simple “sitting still exercise” at home. Using a comfortable cushion,
practice sitting still for just 5-10 minutes. Gradually increase the duration over time, for a maximum of 1-2
hours (typical meal or worship service length). This helps children develop the ability to sit still for
extended periods and let them know that they can sit still for as long as you want them to.
Encouraging appropriate behavior in different settings is crucial for a child’s development. This requires a
bit of eye-level training. I vividly recall an instance when my daughter was 4 years old, we were
worshiping together at our local church, and it was the final praise time. My daughter was barely glued to
the pew, but it became evident that she was reaching the end . Then it dawned on me that she was
struggling even more because she couldn’t read and couldn’t sing along with the hymns even though she
heard the melodies countless times. So I sat her down next to me and read the words, verse by verse, so
she could sing along to the melodies she was already familiar with, and her wiggles transformed into
happy claps, and a shared moment of connection filled our hearts.
A child’s development thrives alongside a parent’s faith. Consistent training and nurturing their potential
will surely guide them to reach their next level (Proverbs 22:6). Faith itself isn’t swayed by circumstances;
rather, circumstances will conform to our strong foundation of faith in Christ (Malachi 4:6). Until then, the
Holy Spirit empowers parents with wisdom, fostering a deeper understanding of their children’s hearts
and minds.
And the best part? This journey can be incredibly fun! Why not begin with small, achievable steps